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Language of truth is of a different currency than language employed to sell what is false. Kiruv Rechokim deserves an authentic representation rescued from the 9 to 5 professionalism which is borrowed from a secular environment. Kiruv can never be a 9 to 5 job. Jewish outreach cannot recognize the “I-it” relationship from 9 to 5 and after become an “I-thou” relationship. It’s always an “I-thou” relationship. In the process of providing an authentic kiruv presentation, we need to describe what is emes/truth in contrast to what is an absence of personal integrity and a misrepresentation of Torah Judaism.Here are just two samples:
(kiruv teacher to student)
Teacher: Would you rather be a rich man or a happy man?
Student: Of course, a happy man, but how do I become a happy man?
T: Come we’ll teach you Torah. That will make you a happy man.
This response is false because motivation of happiness is no less an ulterior motive than that of wealth. While Torah can provide happiness, it does not guarantee it. One’s observance and practice of authentic Torah Judaism should be independent of the happiness destination.
Second example:
T: David, are you a decent person? Are you a nice person?
David: Well, I think I’m a decent and nice person.
T: Are you a babalona?
D: What is a babalona?
T: Just answer the question - Are you a babalona or not?
D: How can I answer the question if I don’t know what a babalona is?
T: Well, you said you were a nice and decent person even though you may not know what that is.
Wrong!
Though it may look like a good sales pitch, this is a clear misrepresentation and an insult to average intelligence. Why? Most people have a frame of reference of what compassion, friendship, loyalty, kindness, sharing and other common virtues are.
We need to stop selling and start representing. We need to stop using methods from sales “textbooks” on kiruv and start becoming “text people” of kiruv.
Though most of the talmidim who settle in at Kol Yaakov
tread many paths before they find a spiritual home in which
to grow in learning, I conjecture that my road to the yeshiva
had a few more twists and forks than is typical, even for Kol
Yaakov…
I grew up in a home of traditional values in Denmark. At home, my mother lit Chanukah candles, and my father did a rudimental Seder some years. Not surprisingly however, halfway through high school, I lost interest and became apathetic. Upon my father’s suggestion, I studied Practical Philosophy for half a year at Lund University, Sweden. This did not help, however, so my father took me to a rabbi in Copenhagen.
It was at this rabbi’s Seder in 2003, that my father and I met a man from Los Angeles. Upon learning that we were going to California in the summer, he suggested some interesting congregations to visit. Among them was a “synagogue” in San Francisco where the “rabbi” was a big “BuJew” (A Jew involved in Buddhism) .
When we first arrived on the West Coast, my father and I were able to participate in a “Fathers and Sons” workshop at a hippie retreat in Big Sur, CA. (My father is, among other things, a Gestalt psychotherapist.) Within twenty- four hours, two Jewish seminarians offered my father to pay for me to be a work-scholar as long as I wanted. I stayed until the beginning of June 2004, until a change in management led to me being asked to leave.
Lost on the coast of California with my father now back in Sweden, a friendly stranger helped me contact the “rabbi” in San Francisco. He arranged for me to stay in the congregation’s Zen meditation center under the condition that I participated in the daily meditations at least a couple of times a week. Every once in a while, I was needed for their “minyan,” and so I was exposed to a siddur for the first time. Unable to read the Hebrew, I read the translation and at some point wondered why I read these rules every day without keeping them. So I began to observe a little of what I could figure out from the siddur and the Tanach and from observing the congregation’s members.
As I got more interested, I started to attend the closest observant shul. Eventually a new house mate took me to an Orthodox Rabbi, Rabbi Yaakov Barros, then of San Francisco. He supplied me with tzitzis and tefillin and recommended that I go to a yeshiva called Kol Yaakov in New York. Before I decided to follow through on his suggestion, I returned to Denmark. Though I went regularly to an Orthodox shul, Machsike Hadas in Copenhagen, it wasn’t until after I attended a Shabbaton in May 2005 that I decided to observe all the mitzvos I knew. It was also at that point that I decided I needed to go to yeshiva to learn more. There was still a long road and many long-distance phone calls with Rabbi Tropper and Rabbi Jacobs before I actually arrived at Kol Yaakov - eager to learn halachos and to know how to live life as a good Jew.
It’s funny how reality has different meanings for different people. The Bar Mitzvah I had to endure did not have much meaning. However, the Friday Night Services I attended both pre and post Bar Mitzvah certainly did. In my eyes they were far from perfunctory. I remember asking to be allowed to sing Adon Olam at the end of services. Even at this young age, I felt a very strong connection to Judaism through the venue of song. As a young boy, this had a lot of meaning for me.
Soon after my Bar Mitzvah, I moved to New Jersey. I had little to no connection to Yiddishkeit there and remember thinking that it was strange that my Jewish education should end just because I had reached Bar Mitzvah. I went through high school separated from Jewish teachings or involvement other than attending “High Holiday Services.” By now, synagogue attendance had little meaning to me. In essence, a very typical experience…
My return to Yiddishkeit began during my first year in college. At the time, I was employed as an usher at a local movie theater. As I walked towards the theater building, my boss drove by in his fancy sports car. He decided to have a little fun at my expense. As I was heading toward the front door, he purposely drove his car in front of me, missing me by just a few inches. He got out and burst into laughter over what he thought was a hysterical practical joke. Upon returning home, I went straight to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I became very angry over the incident - angry at myself and angry at Hashem- why would He allow something like this to happen to me? I decided right then and there that I was going to have a word with G-D. I figured I’d just arrive at Friday Night Services a little early, open the aron and give G-D my two cents about the situation. I got dressed into respectable clothes and walked down the street to the nearby synagogue. When I opened the door to the heichal, however, it was full with people.
Standing in front of me were about 200 high-school aged kids who were davening mincha. Now, at the time, I didn’t know what davening or mincha meant. One young man noticed me in the back of the room and invited me to stay for the rest of the shabbaton. As the evening wore on, maariv was completed and the meal began. That night, benchers were handed out and the boys began singing zemiros. I was hooked! It was as if zemiros was what my neshama had been thirsting for so long!
After one year at Touro, I went abroad to study at a yeshiva in Yerushalayim. When the year ended, I returned to the States and looked for a place to continue my studies in New York. In the Spring of 1989, I came to Kol Yaakov and studied for 5 and 1/2 years.
Kol Yaakov made a tremendous impression upon me spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. Each rebbe at Kol Yaakov simultaneously personifies miserous nefesh, chachma and ahavas yisrael. It was an honor and privilege to have had the opportunity to learn at the yeshiva. Reb Leib, Rabbi Wolpin, and Rabbi Stefansky each provided me with a foundation of Torah and yiras shamayim that I will carry with me always. The many other Rebbeim that highlight the Yeshiva influenced me as well, and I am grateful to them all.
Kol Yaakov was a safe haven for me as well during the time when I had brain surgery for epilepsy. I was fortunate to be in Kol Yaakov at the time – having the entire yeshiva davening for me during surgery and being a powerful support network afterwards really made a difference in my recovery.
I feel blessed to have been a part of the student body at Kol Yaakov and will forever be in debt to the Rebbeim who taught me Torah while I was there. I realize however, that my years at Kol Yaakov were just the beginning of a commitment to live my life in accordance to the Mitzvos of the Torah. My genuine hope is that I will continue to increase my support of Kol Yaakov and be available to assist the Yeshiva in any way I can.
Personal attention and a strong kesher with the talmidim of Kol Yaakov are trademarks of the yeshiva. Rabbi Yehuda Friedland is a personification of this attribute. A Monsey native, Rabbi Friedland went on to Mesivta Keser Torah of Central Jersey, Belmar, under Rabbi Dovid Heinemann. After learning in Bais Medrash in Brooklyn, under Rabbi Chaim Epstein, in Yeshiva Zichron Meilech and the Mir in Yerushalyim, Reb Yehuda came to Kol Yaakov in 1997. Within a short period of time, Reb Yehuda’s inherent ability to connect with the other talmidim in the yeshiva naturally led to his progression from senior student to developing into an effective tutor and mentor. Besides the one-on-one learning opportunities provided by Rabbi Friedland to the advanced bochurim and avreichim in Kol Yaakov, Reb Yehuda’s approachable style, erudition and dedication has helped to make him an effective magid shiur for the beginning level student. His Introductory shiur delivers just the right balance of methodology and depth.
Rabbi Friedland’s involvement in the yeshiva extends beyond teaching. Shabbos and Yom Tov at the Friedland’s home has been an integral part of the Kol Yaakov experience. Along with his Rebbitzen, Perri, Rabbi Friedland’s personal and dedicated involvement in the yeshiva’s outreach efforts, both within the walls of Kol Yaakov and beyond continues to have an impact on Kol Yaakov and Horizons’ success. Their home and time are always available to both the fulltime talmidim in the yeshiva and to the men and woman of all ages who come to Monsey to participate in various outreach programs. Their dedication is not only limited to Monsey; the Friedlands were a major part of Kol Yaacov’s out-of-town SEED program this past summer. While Mrs. Friedland provided all the meals for the yeshiva for the week and learned with the woman, Rabbi Friedland was the scholar-in-residence on Shabbos. The extension of his talents in web design to help Horizons and the EJF program in its outreach efforts (not to mention his starring roles in Kol Yaakov’s annual Purim shpiel) provides yet another example of how Rabbi Yehuda Friedland is a treasured and multitalented asset of Kol Yaakov.
1. Rav Elyashiv Shlit"a rules that a diabetic cannot make a Bracha Acharona on food that he should not be eating.
2. The Mishna Berura in Hilchos Shabbos Chapter 300 refers to a custom of lighting two candles on Motzoei Shabbos.
Dr. Allen Tisch upon the passing of his mother
Mrs. Shaindel Barros upon the passing of her father
An unprecedented group of leading Rabbonim and Torah scholars from around the globe called for the adoption of universal standards in the conversion process of non-Jewish spouses amongst the growing number of intermarried couples in the US and elsewhere. They were part of 130 participants in the inaugural conference sponsored by the Eternal Jewish Family (EJF), a program of Horizons/ Lillian Jean Kaplan Jewish Pride through Education Project, on Universally Accepted Conversions in an intermarriage that was held in September at the Sheraton Newark, NJ. The 2-day conference, which was initially planned for 50 participants, attracted nearly 600 applications, leading The Eternal Jewish Family to plan additional conferences in Florida (March 5-7, 2006), Los Angeles and Boston (details to be announced).
Harav Reuven Feinstein,
Rosh Yeshiva of the Yeshiva of Staten Island and a noted Torah scholar,
outlined the obligations on the converting Rabbi in properly preparing
prospective converts. The son of the
legendary Torah sage, Harav Moshe
Feinstein, reviewed the steps that
were necessary to have a conversion
conform to the highest standards of
halacha.
Harav Yonah Metzger, Askenazic Chief Rabbi of Israel, who specially traveled to the US to be part of the trailblazing conclave, enthusiastically endorsed the concepts aired at the conference for adoption by US Rabbonim. He pledged that Israel’s Rabbinate would work in tandem with the recommendations of the conference.
Harav Hershel Schachter, the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva University, delivered a brilliant thought-provoking shiur on the conversion of under aged children (prior to Bar/ Bat Mitzvah) . The Torah scholar spoke of the sensitivities towards the children and the responsibilities of rabbonim to properly prepare families for conversion.
The Rosh Yeshiva, Harav Leib Tropper, who was the major impetus behind the conference, enthusiastically congratulated the Rabbonim for their vision and particularly singled out Tom Kaplan for having the “extraordinary foresight to support such a conference that deals with one of our generation’s major crises.” He added: “Intermarried couples who opt for an authentic Jewish future deserve to be treated as our Torah prescribes. For too long the assumption was that the Jewish spouse in inter- marriage was lost to the Jewish nation forever, but more and more are making the choice to return to authentic Jewish life.
In a major presentation,
Rabbi Doron Kornbluth (Jerusalem), author of Why Marry
Jewish, warned the participants
of the dire effects of spiraling
rate of intermarriage and assimilation. “ One of out every 2 Jews
in the United States intermarries,”
he said. He predicted that unless
the tide was stemmed, American
Jews would be “reduced to pockets
here and there of Orthodox and other Jews.” Mr. Tom Kaplan, Chairman of the Lillian Jean Kaplan Jewish Pride Through Education Project
of Horizons, passionately shared his
vision on the goals of the Conference: “We must not let this opportunity slip away.” The importance
of the conference was underscored
by Mr. Yehuda Dovid Kaplan,
co-chairman of the Eternal Jewish
Family. He related his own experience with the conversion process
and how it changed his life.
Plans are now well on their way for the upcoming conference in Hollywood, Florida. Entitled Conference II - The Road to Standards , this conclave will focus on articulating a range of acceptable standards that all authorities will be comfortable with. EJF expects over a 100 rabbanim to attend. These conferences have been so successful that additional venues in Boston and Eretz Yisroel are planned for the coming months.
A major emphasis of
EJF and Horizons has been
placed on reaching out to the
many communities that were
represented at the last conference, either by arranging
for an outreach trip by Rabbi
Tropper or by making arrangements for couples interested in a conversion (be it by
setting up learning partners
for one or the other partner
and/ or making arrangements with a
Beis Din for the actual conversion) or
providing support to Rabbanim who
are working with these couples.
EJF has arranged for mentors/ tutors
to work with non-Jewish spouses
all across the country and Canada.
Some of the communities EJF has
become involved with over the last
couple of months include Providence, RI; Charlotte, NC; Savannah, GA; Salt Lake City, UT; Myrtle Beach, SC; and Cincinnati, OH.
Additionally, in conjunction with
Rabbi Nachum Eisenstein, Rabbi
Leib Tropper, Director of EJF, has
been working to establish Batei Dinim K'vu'im in communities that have yet
to establish them.
Our new N’Shei season got off to a Perfect start with a Pizza and Pictionary kick-off event held on December 3rd. Everyone had a great time and we’d like to thank Perri Friedland for being a Fabulous host and especially for her Fantastic Fondue.
If you liked that play on words, consider joining our Book Club which is back in full swing with the book Divine Whispers: Stories That Speak to the Heart and Soul by Chana Weisberg. On January 7th, we got together to discuss the first half of this inspirational book which we can all relate to our daily lives and help us find meaning in even the most seemingly mundane activities. The highlight of the evening was a conference call with the author herself, Chana Weisberg, who phoned in from her home in Toronto, Canada. Chana’s articles have been featured on Aish.com, Chabad.org, and in The Jewish Press. We’d like to thank her for her time and the terrific insights, comments and thoughts that she shared with our group. Thanks also to Channi Raice who graciously hosted the meeting. If you missed the first meeting about this book, don’t despair; a second opportunity will be coming up, date and time will be announced shortly.
Members that attend N’Shei meetings share their great ideas for what they would like to see in future N’Shei events. We love getting input from our members. Here is a little sneak peek at an event spawned from their ideas:
Save the date for a challah baking experience to remember. Sunday, February 19th, challah baking expert, Rochel Leah Rotbard will share with us her secrets on baking challah that you will think came straight from Gan Eden. She will also go over the importance of the mitzvah of baking challah and the dinim that are involved in the process. This event will be held at the home of Ezra & Debbie Beyman. Further details will be available shortly, so watch your mailbox for a flyer. There will be a small fee for this two hour class and space is limited. Be sure to sign up early – you don’t want to miss this special event!
Our 2nd Annual Family Melave Malka will be held IY”H on Motzoei Shabbos Mevorchim, February 25. (See our “Save the Date” display in this newsletter) Those of you who remember the amazing time had by all last year should be sure not to miss this year, as we have an even more exciting event planned for you and your families. We invite the entire Kol Yaakov community, its alumni and affiliates to join us as we come together for an evening of food, music and family entertainment. We are looking for volunteers to help us with this event. If you are available and would like to offer your services, please call the Kol Yaakov office at 845-425-3863. We look forward to greeting everyone.
A great way to keep up with all N’Shei Kol Yaakov happenings is to join our Yahoo! Group. We keep a calendar of events, members’ birthdays and anniversaries for our members to refer to. We also have photos of previous events in the “Photos” section and copies of all our flyers, letters and forms in the “Files” section. We often poll our members to get input on times and dates for events; you can participate in these important decisions by visiting the “Polls” section. Of course, we post important messages about things that are going on in the Kol Yaakov community such as Mazal Tovs and condolences in addition to posting information about our meetings and events. To subscribe to our N’Shei Kol Yaakov Yahoo! Group, send an e-mail to NsheiKolYaakov-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NsheiKolYaakov/ and click on the button that says “Join this group.” Be sure to include your Kol Yaakov connection in the body of your e-mail as all new members must be approved by the moderator. We’d love to have you join and keep in touch with us.
Daniel and Chana Melamed upon the birth of their son
Rabbi & Mrs. Avraham Klatzko upon the birth of their son
Rabbi & Mrs. David Frankel upon the bar mitzvah of their grandson, Yitzy
Rabbi & Mrs. Zvi Hirschberg upon the bar mitzvah of their son, Aharon Dovid
Rabbi & Mrs. Dovid Jacobs upon the bar mitzvah of their son, Yoni
Rabbi & Mrs. Chaim Y’shaya Weiss upon the bar mitzvah of their son, Yaakov Dov
Mr. & Mrs. Yaakov Gruber upon the marriage of their daughter, Miriam to Meir Berman
Mr. & Mrs. Pinchos Nugiel upon the birth of their daughter, Shifra Emuna
Marriage of Yoni Brukirer to Chani Zidele
Daniel Melamed upon his siyum of Shisha Sidrei Mishna
Mr. & Mrs. Reuven Weinstein upon the marriage of their son, Yaakov
Rabbi & Mrs. Matis Roberts upon the marriage of their son, Avrohom, and the engagement of their son, Dovid
Mr. Reuven Schulman upon the engagement of his daughter, Michal
Golda Chaya Herman (daughter of our beloved alumnus, Reb Menachem Herman z”l) upon her engagement to Nochum Hirsh Perl
YOUR MAZEL TOVS ARE OUR MAZEL TOVS. PLEASE LET US KNOW ABOUT YOUR SIMCHOS BY CALLING THE OFFICE OR EMAILING US.