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Men and women are not the same. Two people are never the same. "K'sheim She'ain Partzufeihem Shavos, Kach Ain Dayoseihem Shavos". Gender difference is just compounded by the already distinct and unique composition of two separate beings. If however sameness means that Hashem's sentiments are the same for both men and women then the Torah Jew can sign on. The Gemora in Shabbos clearly states, "Kal Yisrael B'nei M'lachim" (All Jews are children of kings), independent of gender. The terms Ubermench and Untermench are obscenities used by Nietzsche and his protégé, Hitler, which is a notion that goes back in history to the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt - "Kol Haben Hayilod Ha'orah Tashlichuhu". The pursuit of sameness nurtures envy, which then blossoms into a malignant hate. We resist the idea of the apologist that women are greater than men or better than men. It is an untruth promulgated by the few who wish to give females a less than authentic representation of our Torah perspective. Now let us talk about what is true, namely the oneness of men and women in marriage: It is in marriage that oneness is challenged, lost, rediscovered and sometimes even painful because of the depth of the marriage commitment. The truth about oneness cannot really be studied with detachment. It requires real involvement and participation. Nothing dramatizes the necessity and centrality of oneness in marriage than its absence. So what does oneness look like and what are the tools that create the ability for oneness? It is clear that from a Torah perspective oneness is allowing oneself to have a shared identity with another person - not a lost identity but a shared identity - perhaps even a merging of the self into a new self. a much greater self. a self called "we" not "me." The Ponevezher Rov zt"l spoke about human greatness in a very real manner. When the "me" only includes the self and its needs it can never attain greatness. The more inclusive the "me," the bigger the "me" and obviously, the greater the "me" which would then entail that one's "me" incorporate the spouse, family, friends and neighbors- in fact becoming a "we." L'havdil, an American philosopher/psychologist, William James, in his book "The Principles of Psychology" writes, "The self is the sum total of all that an individual can call his." Oneness can mean a merging of identities or a coordinated integration of identities. At that moment, when we are feeling the oneness with another person i.e. the spouse, we lose one identity but gain a greater one. Marriage and friendships afford the opportunity to burst out of the dark cocoon of the ego and discover that we have grown wings. I want to wish all our talmidim, alumni and friends ah lichtige Chanukah!
First, I must give hakoros hatov to those who served as my rebbeim during my tenure at Kol Yaakov. Rabbi Yehuda Schwab was a wonderful teacher and a strong influence for me to attend Kol Yaakov in the first place. Rav Dovid Charlop was my rebbe and mentor and he helped me to clarify my thoughts and feelings about Torah Judaism. Of course, acharon acharon choviv, it is to Rabbi Tropper as the head of the fine institution where someone like me with very little learning background could get his feet wet in the water of Torah that I owe my greatest hakoros hatov.
About two years ago, I embarked on an incredible experience in organized, methodical and incremental learning when I joined Shema Yisrael's Shulchan Aruch Hilchos Shabbos Learning Program. This program is geared toward working people with a limited background in learning. Twice a week, I received an e-mail shiur. The shiur started with questions and answers on topics from previous shiurim. New material was then quoted from the Mechaber and Rema as well as the related Mareh M'komos - the Mishna, Gemora and the Rishonim as well as their positions on different aspects of the halachah. In this way, we saw how the Mechaber came to his p'sak. The discussion continued with the opinions of the various Acharonim. The shiurim concluded with follow- up questions. Quarterly tests were given and a discussion was held on the more difficult questions. Over the past two years we went thru all of Chelek Gimmel of the Shulchan Aruch. The final bechina and siyum were held at the end of June in Yerushalayim. Most of the members of the chaburah and the rebbeim met there for the first time. We spent a spectacular Shabbos together. On Sunday, the thirty-odd of us who came from around world (USA, Canada, Germany, England, and South Africa) assembled for the final Hilchos Shabbos exam. The official siyum was held in the Sha'arai Yerushalyim Hotel and Rabbi Yona Metzger, the new Ashkenazic Chief Rabbi, came and congratulated us and bestowed s'micha upon us. I knew that most of the material was very l'maisa but I had no idea how much so until the following Shabbos. On Friday night, a discussion arose about cutting the letters on a birthday cake. I responded based on what I had learned... On Shabbos day my seven year old son and some friends were playing in the yard when their ball got caught in a tree. They came in and asked me to retrieve it. I laughed and remembered that one of the essay questions was this exact scenario. After I told them that the ball had to stay in the tree until after Shabbos (Gezairas chazal-lest one snap off a branch which is kotzair or move muktza, the leaves/tree-OC-Rema 336:1 and SSK 26:16). Then the boys tried to knock it down with some rocks. I could not believe it, for this was similar to another of the questions which had to do with a spur of the moment decision on Shabbos to use a rock as a doorstop (a rock must be set aside for permanent use as a doorstop before Shabbos). All of the issues were incredibly relevant to daily life.
NEWS FROM THE N'SHEI N'Shei Kol Yaakov continues to expand and flourish with a wide range of meetings and activities. We are happy that we have been able to combine our efforts to address the needs of many individuals in our Kehilla over the past few months. We are proud to announce that we will be holding our 1st Annual Family Melava Malka, IY"H Motzoei Shabbos Mevorchim, Parshas Va'era, January 8, 2005 at Yeshiva Kol Yaakov. We are inviting the entire Kol Yaakov community, its alumni and affiliates to join us as we come together for an evening of food, music and family entertainment. We are looking for volunteers to help us plan this exciting event. If you are available to help out in any way, we ask that you contact the Kol Yaakov office at 845-425-3863. As part of this project, we will be publishing the first ever N'Shei Kol Yaakov directory to help our friends and neighbors keep in touch. The directory will feature a list of all N'shei committees, their chairpersons and members, to help direct those in need of assistance to the proper party. We will also be including a business directory to help locate business services. We hope that the business directory will be referred to often and that our members and our advertisers will be patronized. If you have a home based business or service, the business directory is a great place to advertise and appeal to the Kol Yaakov community - It can be anything: haircuts, babysitting services, carpentry, you name it! We hope this directory will become a handy household staple for a minimum of a year, which will give any business great exposure. An ad blank will be inserted into our Melava Malka invitations, which will be mailed out shortly. Also included will be a family listing form to make sure that all families who would like to have their information listed in the directory will be included. Directories will only be distributed to members of our Kehilla. We hope to have the directory ready for distribution at the Melava Malka. We hope you will join us on January 8th, as your participation will help make our Melava Malka both enjoyable and successful.
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While Kol Yaakov forges ahead with the winter zman, the yeshiva has welcomed several new talmidim- hailing from as close by as Connecticut and as far as Texas (one from Austin and one from Dallas/Eretz Yisroel/South Africa) and from Belarus (via Chicago). In spite of the fact that the dorms are full, the yeshiva always operates under the policy that there's always room for one more. With that in mind, Rabbi Tropper and Horizons has its radar focused on a number of places in the coming months bringing the "Kol" of Kol Yaakov. After stirring up passions on the subject of gender roles at SUNY Albany, Rabbi Tropper headed to Lexington, Kentucky for a two day Chanuka lecture series. January will see trips to the Bay Area of California (an ideal location in the middle of winter) and a trip to Halifax, Nova Scotia (not so ideal in midwinter!). February's trip will be a Scholar-in-Residence shabbos at the University of Birmingham (England not Alabama). By March, Horizons will be ready to thaw out by visits to San Antonio, Austin and Los Angeles. February 20th (Sunday of Presidents Day weekend) Kol Yaakov and Horizons will be hosting, once again, HaGaon HaRav Reuven Feinstein shlit"a. This year the Rosh Yeshiva will be providing a Daas Torah perspective on the topic of "Chumros- Use with Caution: Understanding the Meaning and Effect of Following Halachic Stringencies." HaRav Feinstein's practical and insightful presentation makes this one of Kol Yaakov's most popular events (not to mention a first class prime rib dinner at L'Chaim Manor). Space fills quickly so call the yeshiva for details.
At the end of my freshman year some friends invited me for a ball game. Later I discovered that it was an NCSY function. The next year I joined NCSY and used every opportunity to strengthen myself while there. Rabbi Moshe Zucker of NCSY guided me through a lot of different stages. He helped me commit to wearing tzitzis and a kipa at all times. My next experience through NCSY was their Camp Sports- which really saved me during the summers. There I committed to breaking off my relationship with my girlfriend. I came back from camp and told her that, though choosing between her and following G-d's laws was difficult, I just couldn't continue living a contradiction. She understood and we stayed friends. When I was in twelfth grade my rabbis encouraged me to go to Israel to study in a yeshiva but as that wasn't possible, I enquired about American institutions. Rabbi Zucker told me about Kol Yaakov but I wanted to keep my options open. After checking out several yeshivas on Long Island and Connecticut, my good friends, the Bricks, brought me to Monsey and set me up in a yeshiva. This was going to be the place for me. I had college options and I could learn - ah - I had the best of both worlds. Then the Bricks asked me about the other yeshiva I wanted to see in Monsey. Their cousin's relative, Rabbi Dovid Wolpin, taught at Kol Yaakov so they wanted me to check it out. With them driving, I didn't have much of a choice and away we went. To make a long story short, I met the Rosh Yeshiva and realized what my Rebbi was talking about. This was definitely the place for me. I remember every moment of my first day at Kol Yaakov, the 2nd day of Rosh Chodesh Elul '02. I arrived at this small building and I was shown to my room by a friendly face. I dropped off my clothes and went outside to get some fresh air because it was such a nice day. I saw someone tuning their jembe (hand drum). I was surprised to see something so normal. I walked over and introduced myself. His name was Shmuel Dovid Drossman and he happened to be the one who made me feel really comfortable. Shmuel Dovid took me around for the first month on all his Shabbos meals. I was skeptical in the beginning that I can learn longer than 1 1/2 - 2 hours a day, but Kol Yaakov provided me with shiurim and one-on-one attention which kept me learning and achieving much more than I ever thought possible. Though I wasn't sure I stay in yeshiva for an extended period- here I am, two years and counting, and still shteiging at Kol Yaakov (Bli Ayin Hara).
1. According to Halacha there is no obligation to celebrate
Chanukah with festive meals. (1)
1. see Biur Halacha- beginning of Hilchos Chanukah for the reason
2. Gam Ani Od'cha- page 32
Mr. & Mrs. Ezra Beyman upon the engagement of their
daughter, Yehudis to Simcha Podolsky YOUR MAZEL TOVS ARE OUR MAZEL TOVS. PLEASE LET US KNOW ABOUT YOUR SIMCHOS BY CALLING THE OFFICE OR EMAILING US.
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